Thursday, December 31, 2009

DCVI: Distractions

© Colorburn
View Uncropped
ibleedgraphite: the orange bit is pretty cool
ibleedgraphite: perhaps you should focus on that
Lani Kai: and crop the background out?
ibleedgraphite: or something
ibleedgraphite: hm, the background is still distracting to me
Lani Kai: don't be so easily distracted then
ibleedgraphite: okay
ibleedgraphite: I will cut a hole in a sheet of white paper the shape of the wooden thing
ibleedgraphite: and place it over the monitor when I need to look at your picture

DCV: Annoying

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: this is the kind of photo your mother would like, if not for the missing petals
ibleedgraphite: I like it for the annoyingly saturated colors

DCIV: Trickery

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: that is rather Ansel Adams-y
Lani Kai: I like the light
ibleedgraphite: it is artificial
ibleedgraphite: there's actually very little contrast
ibleedgraphite: changing the levels that much messed up the color, which is hidden by the bw
ibleedgraphite: I've probably never taken a correctly exposed photo in my life that turned out well

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

DCIII: Freedom of Thought

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: that is an evil sign
ibleedgraphite: it just made me think of parking there
Lani Kai: it is
Lani Kai: are you supposed to stop or not?
ibleedgraphite: oh
ibleedgraphite: I was only looking at the bottom one
ibleedgraphite: you seem to enjoy taking pictures of signs on the sides of roads
Lani Kai: perhaps

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

DCII: In Popular Culture

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: hmm
ibleedgraphite: I believe that building was designed by Renzo Piano
ibleedgraphite: and it was blown up by aliens in Independence Day
ibleedgraphite: aliens don't like postmodern architecture
Lani Kai: "The building was designed by Henry N. Cobb of the architectural firm Pei Cobb Freed & Partners and cost $350 million to build."
ibleedgraphite: oh, okay
ibleedgraphite: that makes more sense
Lani Kai: the Wikipedia article also doesn't say anything about Independence Day
Lani Kai: which means it didn't happen
ibleedgraphite: I'll add it then
ibleedgraphite: the page needs an "In Popular Culture" section
Lani Kai: I'll flag it with [citation needed]

Sunday, December 27, 2009

DCI: Premium Photography

© Colorburn 

Lani Kai: nulla facilisi vivamus blandit
ibleedgraphite: I presume the word above is BEST
Lani Kai: yes
Lani Kai: what is the word under it?
ibleedgraphite: hmm
ibleedgraphite: SUV?
Lani Kai: no
ibleedgraphite: darn
Lani Kai: it's a clothing store
ibleedgraphite: CLOTHES
Lani Kai: no, it was jeans
Lani Kai: now guess the clothing store chain
ibleedgraphite: um
ibleedgraphite: American Apparel
Lani Kai: nope
ibleedgraphite: Target
Lani Kai: haha no
ibleedgraphite: I believe I need a clue
Lani Kai: 3 brands owned by this chain
ibleedgraphite: Gap?
Lani Kai: yep
ibleedgraphite: false advertising

Saturday, December 26, 2009

DC: Trippy

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: trippy
Lani Kai: actually "trippy" would be more relevant if this were at Death Valley 
Lani Kai: "The philosopher Michel Foucault called his 1975 acid trip at Zabriskie Point the greatest experience of his life."
Lani Kai: but it ties in with the next line in that article
Lani Kai: This location is featured prominently on the cover of U2's album The Joshua Tree.
ibleedgraphite: was that before or after the pendulum?
Lani Kai: what pendulum?
ibleedgraphite: Foucault's pendulum?
Lani Kai: or did you mean panopticon
ibleedgraphite: pretty sure it was a pendulum
Lani Kai: [citation needed]
ibleedgraphite: and dont accuse me of writing this whole article just now
Lani Kai: wrong Foucault
Lani Kai: nice going

DCXCIX: Nonsense

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: how fast does it go? 
Lani Kai: umm
Lani Kai: probably just under 200mph
ibleedgraphite: i meant the shutter speed
Lani Kai: that makes no sense at all
ibleedgraphite: shut up

Thursday, December 17, 2009


© Colorburn

Lani Kai: is it turned toward you?
ibleedgraphite: yes, it is ready for its close-up
Lani Kai: why the black and white?
Lani Kai: and it's like a mild black and white by your standards
ibleedgraphite: moving the levels enough to bring out the highlights in the bee
ibleedgraphite: blew out the background on the right, which is like exactly the same shade of gray
ibleedgraphite: and I was too lazy to make the adjustments manually

Monday, December 14, 2009

DXCVII: Slight Coincidence

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: hey, that's pretty
Lani Kai: it's the same place as this photo
Lani Kai: I realized that after I pulled over in the dark
ibleedgraphite: what a strange coincidence
Lani Kai: only slightly, because I wanted to get some Joshua tree silhouettes
Lani Kai: and there aren't very many places in Joshua Tree National Park where you can get lots of Joshua trees in the shot
Lani Kai: this area probably has the densest group that is visible, from the road anyway

Sunday, December 13, 2009

DXCVI: Sporty

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: what does the sport button do?
Lani Kai: it makes things sporty
Lani Kai: i.e. firmer suspension, less intrusive stability control, faster gear change, etc
ibleedgraphite: oh, like sporty spice

Monday, December 07, 2009

DXCV: New and Improved

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: cheater
ibleedgraphite: I posted this like 3 years ago
ibleedgraphite: thought I wouldn't notice?
Lani Kai: mine is better
ibleedgraphite: that's because you already saw mine
Lani Kai: Colorburn is always striving for improvement
ibleedgraphite: mine is original
Lani Kai: yours is unpolished
Lani Kai: it's the beta release
ibleedgraphite: well mine already has all the market share
ibleedgraphite: so nyeh
Lani Kai: yours has a manufacturing defect and needs to be recalled
ibleedgraphite: people already love mine, they don't want to be bothered with new and so-called improved stuff which is merely repackaged and more expensive and harder to use
Lani Kai: you engage in unethical practices
Lani Kai: my waterdrops were unharmed in the making of this photograph
Lani Kai: I don't think the same can be said about yours

DXCIV: Running Away

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: how long does it take a normal person to run a mile?
Lani Kai: normal as in the average overweight American?
Lani Kai: or someone like you and me
ibleedgraphite: the kind of person who would know how long it takes them to run a mile
Lani Kai: 7-8 minutes, maybe
ibleedgraphite: all the people on Yahoo! Answers
ibleedgraphite: are apparently very nimble
ibleedgraphite: according to Yahoo!
ibleedgraphite: "It seems to me that a 15-year-old male should be running about a 5:30 to 6:00 mile."
ibleedgraphite: maybe if something was chasing them

Thursday, December 03, 2009

DXCIII: Feel Like Barting

© Colorburn
Lani Kai: better 
ibleedgraphite: ok, now say something else
Lani Kai: this could be an ad for the white shoes
ibleedgraphite: or for public transportation
Lani Kai: put a slogan on it
ibleedgraphite: "I got BART all over my shoes!"

DXCII: Sliding About

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: I bet I can tell what the histogram for this picture looks like
ibleedgraphite: and it would make a great playground slide
Lani Kai: as it turns out, I think it would be rather scary
ibleedgraphite: and as the little kiddies are playing around the slide
ibleedgraphite: you can use this camera to sneak pictures of them for your private enjoyment

Monday, November 23, 2009

DXCI: Old Material

Lani Kai: I need to go take pictures somewhere
Lani Kai: I find it hard to believe but it's already been three weeks since I went away
ibleedgraphite: wow, really?
Lani Kai: this means I've been posting pictures from the same trip for three weeks

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

DXC: Decisiveness

ibleedgraphite: why were you hiding in the foliage?
Lani Kai: waiting for the decisive moment
ibleedgraphite: sounds like terrorist-talk
Lani Kai:
ibleedgraphite: why couldn't the decisive moment have been less blurry in the bottom right?
Lani Kai: because the decisive moment was best photographed at f/1.8
ibleedgraphite: you say that very decisively

Monday, November 16, 2009

DLXXXIX: "That Internet is So You"

ibleedgraphite: what is that green rectangle an ad for?
Lani Kai: Yahoo!
ibleedgraphite: rather brilliant place for an ad
ibleedgraphite: although not entirely relevant in context
ibleedgraphite: if it were a Google ad, it'd be like
ibleedgraphite: "find the best and cheapest flatirons in your area"

Saturday, November 14, 2009

DLXXXVIII: One in a Million Ten Million

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: I think my camera has a dead pixel
ibleedgraphite: I don't suppose it can be revived
Lani Kai: if you take it to Canon I believe they can re-map it
ibleedgraphite: that sounds complicated
Lani Kai: you could make a Photoshop action to clone it out; just take the next pixel over or something
ibleedgraphite: I think I will let it rest in peace for now until it starts hurting people
Lani Kai: that would be a zombie pixel
Lani Kai: I think you should give it a proper burial
Lani Kai: I mean, think of all the pixels around it
Lani Kai: you wouldn't want a dead body sitting next to you all the time would you?
ibleedgraphite: well, it's not really noticeable most of the time
Lani Kai: it's not noticeable because you take mostly dark pictures?
ibleedgraphite: actually it appears as 100% white
Lani Kai: oh, that's not a dead pixel, that's a stuck pixel
ibleedgraphite: how comforting, it is merely stuck
Lani Kai: that's the worst
Lani Kai: that means it can't go to heaven or hell
Lani Kai: so it comes out to haunt you
ibleedgraphite: oh, I was thinking like stuck in a tree
ibleedgraphite: it just has to climb down
ibleedgraphite: c'mon little pixel, you can do it
Lani Kai: maybe if you bring it a ladder
ibleedgraphite: okay, I'll take a picture of a ladder

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

DLXXXVII: Number Games

ibleedgraphite: I have my own style of accounting
Lani Kai: making up numbers?
Lani Kai: asking other people?
ibleedgraphite: usually, I type in numbers and hit the "grade" button until one of them is right
Lani Kai: would you say you have a passion for accounting?
ibleedgraphite: if you're asking if I would have sex with accounting
ibleedgraphite: the answer is
ibleedgraphite: um
ibleedgraphite: if it has a nice ASSet
ibleedgraphite: then yes, maybe
Lani Kai: you'll probably insert it in the wrong column and later discover that it's just liabilities

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

DLXXXVI: Unsmall

ibleedgraphite: why is it so small?
Lani Kai: what are you talking about?
ibleedgraphite: it looks like something you stole from Google
Lani Kai: it's the usual size
Lani Kai: I think you're crazy

DLXXXV: Uncentered

© Colorburn
Lani Kai: not so sure about it being dead center
ibleedgraphite: what do you mean?
Lani Kai: the impact point is at the very center of the image
ibleedgraphite: I think you're crazy

DLXXXIV: Lucky Shot

Lani Kai: great, you've commented on the two photos I was going to post next
ibleedgraphite: woot, go me
Lani Kai: no, go me
ibleedgraphite: why go you?
Lani Kai: um
Lani Kai: for taking good pictures
ibleedgraphite: oh
ibleedgraphite: everyone gets lucky sometimes

Monday, November 09, 2009

DLXXXIII: You're Fired

ibleedgraphite: did you know that what's-her-face just published an autobiography
ibleedgraphite: Donald Trump's daughter
Lani Kai: no
ibleedgraphite: Ivanka
ibleedgraphite: which is like Ivana, if you cough at the end
Lani Kai: ok?
ibleedgraphite: I thought it was relevant
ibleedgraphite: because it says Trump Tower at the bottom
Lani Kai: I didn't take a picture of the Trump Tower because I had any interest in Donald Trump's family matters
ibleedgraphite: what do you want me to say?
Lani Kai: I dunno
ibleedgraphite: the scrawny little trees on the terraces are like Donald Trump's sad attempt at hair?
Lani Kai: "ooh, that's where they film The Apprentice"
Lani Kai: or that it's the 49th tallest building in New York
ibleedgraphite: wow
ibleedgraphite: those are clearly extremely important and fascinating insights
Lani Kai: I know right?
ibleedgraphite: I can't imagine how awesome it felt to stand down there
ibleedgraphite: looking up at the building where they film The Apprentice
Lani Kai: it's times like these that i know I've failed
Lani Kai: you don't like the picture at all, do you?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

DLXXXII: Syllogism

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: is that better?
Lani Kai: yes
ibleedgraphite: because it's bigger
ibleedgraphite: bigger = better
Lani Kai: so what you're saying is
Lani Kai: my pictures are better than yours

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

DLXXXI: Unwanted

© Colorburn
Lani Kai: wouldn't want to sleep on that
ibleedgraphite: the owners didn't either
ibleedgraphite: that's why they dragged it outside

Sunday, October 25, 2009

DLXXX: Timely Warning

ibleedgraphite: the tagline is about mortgages and having trouble paying off debts
ibleedgraphite: how timely
Lani Kai: do you suppose the building was abandoned because they couldn't pay the mortgage?
Lani Kai: maybe they set fire to it to try to claim insurance
ibleedgraphite: Barbara Cartland was trying to warn them
ibleedgraphite: and they repay her by burning her book

DLXXIX: Free For All

ibleedgraphite: Motel Henning
ibleedgraphite: what is a Henning?
ibleedgraphite: oh, it also says FREE
ibleedgraphite: free Hennings!
ibleedgraphite: woot
Lani Kai: so is that the name of the place?
ibleedgraphite: apparently

Saturday, October 24, 2009


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: that looks like a faded slide that was scanned
Lani Kai: 40-year-old Kodachrome
ibleedgraphite: I will consider that a compliment

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

DLXXVII: Your Turn

© Colorburn
Lani Kai: don't be one of those people that posts pictures without rotating them
ibleedgraphite: turn your head
Lani Kai: I did, and it looked better

Monday, October 12, 2009

DLXXVI: Things We Would Rather Read

© Colorburn
Lani Kai:
Dear Customer,

As someone who has purchased or rated books by Chinua Achebe, you might like to know that The Education of a British-Protected Child: Essays will be released on October 6, 2009. You can pre-order yours at a savings of $8.48 by following the link below.
The Education of a British-Protected Child: Essays
Chinua Achebe
List Price: $24.95
Price: $16.47
You Save: $8.48 (34%)

Release Date: October 6, 2009
ibleedgraphite: that has to be the least exciting title ever
Lani Kai: seriously
Lani Kai: I can't even tell you how much that makes me not want to read it
ibleedgraphite: I would rather read the warranty for my TV

DLXXV: Not Real

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: what kind of feelings do you get?
Lani Kai: I'm slightly annoyed by composites, actually
Lani Kai: and that's all you've been posting lately
Lani Kai: go out and take some real photos
ibleedgraphite: you must also be against interracial marriage
ibleedgraphite: racist

Thursday, October 08, 2009

DLXXIV: Waiting

© Colorburn
Lani Kai: stop stealing my images
ibleedgraphite: did you ask the grass to sign a contract for the exclusive right to photograph them?
ibleedgraphite: by combining two crappy photos, I create tension and context
Lani Kai: the Russians already did that in the 1920s
ibleedgraphite: well, there are no black people in Russia, so mine is still special

Saturday, October 03, 2009

DLXXIII: Counterfeit

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: wow, it comes with a caption
Lani Kai: just in case you didn't know what this was
ibleedgraphite: or, it's fake and they're trying to lend it an extra air of legitimacy
Lani Kai: oh, like someone stole the real one and left a fake one so no one notices right away?
ibleedgraphite: like the fake Louis Vuitton handbags that come with a bunch of extra documentation that the real ones actually don't have
Lani Kai: why do you know so much about handbags?

DLXXII: No Photography Allowed

ibleedgraphite: what is that
ibleedgraphite: a giant ad for Citigroup?
Lani Kai: no, it's the name of the plaza that I wasn't supposed to photograph
ibleedgraphite: how many debit card overdraft fees do you think it cost to make that sign?
Lani Kai: not too many
Lani Kai: 6 or 7
ibleedgraphite: that would only be like $250
Lani Kai: it's just a slab of glass with laser etching on it

Friday, October 02, 2009

DLXXI: Audience

Lani Kai: I did some statistics research on Colorburn
Lani Kai: of the last 100 search engine hits
Lani Kai: 41 are related to "colorburn" or some derivative, including one hit for "photo blog" or something
Lani Kai: of the remaining 59 hits
Lani Kai: 48 are searches for some sort of pornography or nudity
Lani Kai: and 11 are everything else
ibleedgraphite: we should start a porn blog

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

DLXX: A Tribute to an Artist

Lani Kai: this photo is a tribute
Lani Kai: because that seems to be the cool thing to do these days
ibleedgraphite: who's the silly person who put the Priority Mail sticker there?
ibleedgraphite: the postage to mail the stoplight would be like $1,234,355
Lani Kai: try a flat rate box
Lani Kai: anyway, this is fitting
Lani Kai: Jackson worked on an analog medium
R.I.P. Jackson Pollock
January 28, 1912 – August 11, 1956

Sunday, September 27, 2009

DLXIX: No It Doesn't

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: why is that one stem bent over?
Lani Kai: hm, I never noticed
Lani Kai: now it's going to bother me
Lani Kai: thanks a lot
ibleedgraphite: it looks like it's performing oral sex on the other stem
Lani Kai: no it doesn't
ibleedgraphite: fine
ibleedgraphite: I was just trying to bother you more

DLXVIII: Power Lines -Reprise-

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: wow, it's very vertical
ibleedgraphite: the pole is perfectly parallel with the edges of the frame
Lani Kai: that's the proper way to do it
Lani Kai: have all yours been horizontal?
ibleedgraphite: yes, yes, yes, and no

DLXVII: Complexity

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: have you ever bled on your Monopoly set?
Lani Kai: no
ibleedgraphite: the proper way to play is to cut off a finger whenever your opponent lands on free parking
ibleedgraphite: anyway, Mr. Moneybags represents the military-industrial complex; notice his hands are bloody

Monday, September 21, 2009

DLXVI: Not a Chance

Lani Kai: was the chance square a landmine?
ibleedgraphite: they don't have landmines in Iraq, just IEDs
ibleedgraphite: in any case, he's definitely not passing Go
Lani Kai: $200 these days is not worth it anyway

Sunday, September 20, 2009

DLXV: Maternal Instincts

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: this is the second photo in my series examining the Iraq War using Monopoly and plastic soldiers; it represents the prisoner abuse scandal at Abu Ghraib
Lani Kai: that is large
ibleedgraphite: that's what your mom said
Lani Kai: the original image was 3504x1752
ibleedgraphite: that's creepy, how did you know that?
Lani Kai: your mom told me

Saturday, September 19, 2009

DLXIV: Faulty Intelligence

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: did you hear about [Trypto]?
Lani Kai: no, what happened?
ibleedgraphite: what?? you don't know?! why did you think he wasn't online or answering the phone or anything?
Lani Kai: look, if I knew, I would have said, "yes, I've heard"
ibleedgraphite: his appendix burst, they rushed him to the hospital a couple days ago
ibleedgraphite: it's really bad; there were complications
Lani Kai: what kind of complications?
ibleedgraphite: apparently his pyloric sphincter is a portal to Narnia
ibleedgraphite: JUST KIDDING EVERYONE! I just changed my screen name; I actually stopped using Trypto like two years ago
Lani Kai: I think it's facing the wrong direction
ibleedgraphite: exactly, it represents the rushed decision to invade Iraq after 9/11 based on faulty intelligence and with poorly defined goals
ibleedgraphite: the darkness embodies the murky and morally ambivalent nature of the conflict

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

DLXIII: Google, the Bringer of Odd Visitors

© Lani Kai
Lani Kai: I noticed some Google hits from a while back so I added those
Lani Kai: colorburn pattern
Lani Kai: can you get tan under Lanai?
ibleedgraphite: heh
Lani Kai: photoblogs aboy nude boating
Lani Kai: Rodney Lough Jr blogs
Lani Kai: white as milk photoblog

DLXII: Un Chat

© Lani Kai
ibleedgraphite: was this taken from the perspective of a cat deciding whether or not to eat the flowers?
Lani Kai: no, a cat took that picture with my camera
ibleedgraphite: Henri Cattier-Burmese?

DLXI: Misdirection

© ibleedgraphite
Lani Kai: straight-ahead arrow lights really never made much sense to me
ibleedgraphite: what if there was a red arrow that pointed downwards?
Lani Kai: that typically means it's not ok to drive in that lane,
such as a toll booth that is closed
ibleedgraphite: it doesn't mean you're going to hell?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

DLX: Uuuu

© ibleedgraphite
ibleedgraphite: typing (U) makes a broken heart emoticon in Digsby
Lani Kai: how is a broken heart U?
ibleedgraphite: because u broke my heart
Lani Kai: u for unrequited?
ibleedgraphite: u for ugly...

DLIX: Hardware Semantics

© ibleedgraphite
Lani Kai: I think you should make it black and white
ibleedgraphite: okay
ibleedgraphite: what's the difference between screw, bolt, and nuts?
Lani Kai: a nut is typically hexagonal, and has threads on the inside. Screws and bolts are similar--they have threads on the outside, but bolts don't necessarily have a screw head
ibleedgraphite: no
Lani Kai: what do you mean, "no"
ibleedgraphite: nuts are what you use to screw, and then bolt is what you do after you finish screwing

DLVIII: It's Not Necrophilia If The Prophecy Made You Do It

© ibleedgraphite
Lani Kai: if tomorrow is the best day of my life, I might as well shoot myself after tomorrow
ibleedgraphite: if you shoot yourself tomorrow, you won't be kissed by the love of your life on Friday
Lani Kai: people kiss dead people at the viewing

Friday, September 11, 2009

DLVII: Existentialism

© Lani Kai
Lani Kai: if you take out your lines on Colorburn
Lani Kai: it is largely incoherent
Lani Kai: but if you take out all of mine it is eerily similar to Garfield Minus Garfield
ibleedgraphite: the existential rambling of a psychotic photographer?