Thursday, December 31, 2009

DCVI: Distractions


© Colorburn
View Uncropped
ibleedgraphite: the orange bit is pretty cool
ibleedgraphite: perhaps you should focus on that
Lani Kai: and crop the background out?
ibleedgraphite: or something
...
ibleedgraphite: hm, the background is still distracting to me
Lani Kai: don't be so easily distracted then
ibleedgraphite: okay
ibleedgraphite: I will cut a hole in a sheet of white paper the shape of the wooden thing
ibleedgraphite: and place it over the monitor when I need to look at your picture

DCV: Annoying


© Colorburn

Lani Kai: this is the kind of photo your mother would like, if not for the missing petals
ibleedgraphite: I like it for the annoyingly saturated colors

DCIV: Trickery


© Colorburn

Lani Kai: that is rather Ansel Adams-y
Lani Kai: I like the light
ibleedgraphite: it is artificial
ibleedgraphite: there's actually very little contrast
ibleedgraphite: changing the levels that much messed up the color, which is hidden by the bw
ibleedgraphite: I've probably never taken a correctly exposed photo in my life that turned out well

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

DCIII: Freedom of Thought


© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: that is an evil sign
ibleedgraphite: it just made me think of parking there
Lani Kai: it is
Lani Kai: are you supposed to stop or not?
ibleedgraphite: oh
ibleedgraphite: I was only looking at the bottom one
ibleedgraphite: you seem to enjoy taking pictures of signs on the sides of roads
Lani Kai: perhaps

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

DCII: In Popular Culture


© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: hmm
ibleedgraphite: I believe that building was designed by Renzo Piano
ibleedgraphite: and it was blown up by aliens in Independence Day
ibleedgraphite: aliens don't like postmodern architecture
Lani Kai: "The building was designed by Henry N. Cobb of the architectural firm Pei Cobb Freed & Partners and cost $350 million to build."
ibleedgraphite: oh, okay
ibleedgraphite: that makes more sense
Lani Kai: the Wikipedia article also doesn't say anything about Independence Day
Lani Kai: which means it didn't happen
ibleedgraphite: I'll add it then
ibleedgraphite: the page needs an "In Popular Culture" section
Lani Kai: I'll flag it with [citation needed]

Sunday, December 27, 2009

DCI: Premium Photography


© Colorburn 

Lani Kai: nulla facilisi vivamus blandit
ibleedgraphite: I presume the word above is BEST
Lani Kai: yes
Lani Kai: what is the word under it?
ibleedgraphite: hmm
ibleedgraphite: SUV?
Lani Kai: no
ibleedgraphite: darn
Lani Kai: it's a clothing store
ibleedgraphite: CLOTHES
Lani Kai: no, it was jeans
Lani Kai: now guess the clothing store chain
ibleedgraphite: um
ibleedgraphite: American Apparel
Lani Kai: nope
ibleedgraphite: Target
Lani Kai: haha no
ibleedgraphite: I believe I need a clue
Lani Kai: 3 brands owned by this chain
ibleedgraphite: Gap?
Lani Kai: yep
ibleedgraphite: false advertising

Saturday, December 26, 2009

DC: Trippy


© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: trippy
Lani Kai: actually "trippy" would be more relevant if this were at Death Valley 
Lani Kai: "The philosopher Michel Foucault called his 1975 acid trip at Zabriskie Point the greatest experience of his life."
Lani Kai: but it ties in with the next line in that article
Lani Kai: This location is featured prominently on the cover of U2's album The Joshua Tree.
ibleedgraphite: was that before or after the pendulum?
Lani Kai: what pendulum?
ibleedgraphite: Foucault's pendulum?
Lani Kai: or did you mean panopticon
ibleedgraphite: pretty sure it was a pendulum
Lani Kai: [citation needed]
ibleedgraphite: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foucault_pendulum
ibleedgraphite: and dont accuse me of writing this whole article just now
Lani Kai: wrong Foucault
Lani Kai: nice going

DCXCIX: Nonsense


© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: how fast does it go? 
Lani Kai: umm
Lani Kai: probably just under 200mph
ibleedgraphite: i meant the shutter speed
Lani Kai: that makes no sense at all
ibleedgraphite: shut up

Thursday, December 17, 2009

DXCVIII: Bzz


© Colorburn

Lani Kai: is it turned toward you?
ibleedgraphite: yes, it is ready for its close-up
Lani Kai: why the black and white?
Lani Kai: and it's like a mild black and white by your standards
ibleedgraphite: moving the levels enough to bring out the highlights in the bee
ibleedgraphite: blew out the background on the right, which is like exactly the same shade of gray
ibleedgraphite: and I was too lazy to make the adjustments manually

Monday, December 14, 2009

DXCVII: Slight Coincidence


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: hey, that's pretty
Lani Kai: it's the same place as this photo
Lani Kai: I realized that after I pulled over in the dark
ibleedgraphite: what a strange coincidence
Lani Kai: only slightly, because I wanted to get some Joshua tree silhouettes
Lani Kai: and there aren't very many places in Joshua Tree National Park where you can get lots of Joshua trees in the shot
Lani Kai: this area probably has the densest group that is visible, from the road anyway

Sunday, December 13, 2009

DXCVI: Sporty


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: what does the sport button do?
Lani Kai: it makes things sporty
Lani Kai: i.e. firmer suspension, less intrusive stability control, faster gear change, etc
ibleedgraphite: oh, like sporty spice

Monday, December 07, 2009

DXCV: New and Improved


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: cheater
ibleedgraphite: I posted this like 3 years ago
ibleedgraphite: thought I wouldn't notice?
Lani Kai: mine is better
ibleedgraphite: that's because you already saw mine
Lani Kai: Colorburn is always striving for improvement
ibleedgraphite: mine is original
Lani Kai: yours is unpolished
Lani Kai: it's the beta release
ibleedgraphite: well mine already has all the market share
ibleedgraphite: so nyeh
Lani Kai: yours has a manufacturing defect and needs to be recalled
ibleedgraphite: people already love mine, they don't want to be bothered with new and so-called improved stuff which is merely repackaged and more expensive and harder to use
Lani Kai: you engage in unethical practices
Lani Kai: my waterdrops were unharmed in the making of this photograph
Lani Kai: I don't think the same can be said about yours

DXCIV: Running Away


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: how long does it take a normal person to run a mile?
Lani Kai: normal as in the average overweight American?
Lani Kai: or someone like you and me
ibleedgraphite: the kind of person who would know how long it takes them to run a mile
Lani Kai: 7-8 minutes, maybe
ibleedgraphite: all the people on Yahoo! Answers
ibleedgraphite: are apparently very nimble
ibleedgraphite: according to Yahoo!
ibleedgraphite: "It seems to me that a 15-year-old male should be running about a 5:30 to 6:00 mile."
ibleedgraphite: maybe if something was chasing them

Thursday, December 03, 2009

DXCIII: Feel Like Barting


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: better 
ibleedgraphite: ok, now say something else
Lani Kai: this could be an ad for the white shoes
ibleedgraphite: or for public transportation
Lani Kai: put a slogan on it
ibleedgraphite: "I got BART all over my shoes!"

DXCII: Sliding About


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: I bet I can tell what the histogram for this picture looks like
ibleedgraphite: and it would make a great playground slide
Lani Kai: as it turns out, I think it would be rather scary
ibleedgraphite: and as the little kiddies are playing around the slide
ibleedgraphite: you can use this camera to sneak pictures of them for your private enjoyment

Monday, November 23, 2009

DXCI: Old Material


Lani Kai: I need to go take pictures somewhere
Lani Kai: I find it hard to believe but it's already been three weeks since I went away
ibleedgraphite: wow, really?
Lani Kai: this means I've been posting pictures from the same trip for three weeks

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

DXC: Decisiveness

ibleedgraphite: why were you hiding in the foliage?
Lani Kai: waiting for the decisive moment
ibleedgraphite: sounds like terrorist-talk
Lani Kai: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Cartier-Bresson#The_Decisive_Moment
ibleedgraphite: why couldn't the decisive moment have been less blurry in the bottom right?
Lani Kai: because the decisive moment was best photographed at f/1.8
ibleedgraphite: you say that very decisively

Monday, November 16, 2009

DLXXXIX: "That Internet is So You"

ibleedgraphite: what is that green rectangle an ad for?
Lani Kai: Yahoo!
ibleedgraphite: rather brilliant place for an ad
ibleedgraphite: although not entirely relevant in context
ibleedgraphite: if it were a Google ad, it'd be like
ibleedgraphite: "find the best and cheapest flatirons in your area"

Saturday, November 14, 2009

DLXXXVIII: One in a Million Ten Million

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: I think my camera has a dead pixel
ibleedgraphite: I don't suppose it can be revived
Lani Kai: if you take it to Canon I believe they can re-map it
ibleedgraphite: that sounds complicated
Lani Kai: you could make a Photoshop action to clone it out; just take the next pixel over or something
ibleedgraphite: I think I will let it rest in peace for now until it starts hurting people
Lani Kai: that would be a zombie pixel
Lani Kai: I think you should give it a proper burial
Lani Kai: I mean, think of all the pixels around it
Lani Kai: you wouldn't want a dead body sitting next to you all the time would you?
ibleedgraphite: well, it's not really noticeable most of the time
Lani Kai: it's not noticeable because you take mostly dark pictures?
ibleedgraphite: actually it appears as 100% white
Lani Kai: oh, that's not a dead pixel, that's a stuck pixel
ibleedgraphite: how comforting, it is merely stuck
Lani Kai: that's the worst
Lani Kai: that means it can't go to heaven or hell
Lani Kai: so it comes out to haunt you
ibleedgraphite: oh, I was thinking like stuck in a tree
ibleedgraphite: it just has to climb down
ibleedgraphite: c'mon little pixel, you can do it
Lani Kai: maybe if you bring it a ladder
ibleedgraphite: okay, I'll take a picture of a ladder

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

DLXXXVII: Number Games

ibleedgraphite: I have my own style of accounting
Lani Kai: making up numbers?
Lani Kai: asking other people?
ibleedgraphite: usually, I type in numbers and hit the "grade" button until one of them is right
Lani Kai: would you say you have a passion for accounting?
ibleedgraphite: if you're asking if I would have sex with accounting
ibleedgraphite: the answer is
ibleedgraphite: um
ibleedgraphite: if it has a nice ASSet
ibleedgraphite: then yes, maybe
Lani Kai: you'll probably insert it in the wrong column and later discover that it's just liabilities

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

DLXXXVI: Unsmall


ibleedgraphite: why is it so small?
Lani Kai: what are you talking about?
ibleedgraphite: it looks like something you stole from Google
Lani Kai: it's the usual size
Lani Kai: I think you're crazy

DLXXXV: Uncentered


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: not so sure about it being dead center
ibleedgraphite: what do you mean?
Lani Kai: the impact point is at the very center of the image
ibleedgraphite: I think you're crazy

DLXXXIV: Lucky Shot


Lani Kai: great, you've commented on the two photos I was going to post next
ibleedgraphite: woot, go me
Lani Kai: no, go me
ibleedgraphite: why go you?
Lani Kai: um
Lani Kai: for taking good pictures
ibleedgraphite: oh
ibleedgraphite: everyone gets lucky sometimes

Monday, November 09, 2009

DLXXXIII: You're Fired

ibleedgraphite: did you know that what's-her-face just published an autobiography
ibleedgraphite: Donald Trump's daughter
Lani Kai: no
ibleedgraphite: Ivanka
ibleedgraphite: which is like Ivana, if you cough at the end
Lani Kai: ok?
ibleedgraphite: I thought it was relevant
ibleedgraphite: because it says Trump Tower at the bottom
Lani Kai: I didn't take a picture of the Trump Tower because I had any interest in Donald Trump's family matters
ibleedgraphite: what do you want me to say?
Lani Kai: I dunno
ibleedgraphite: the scrawny little trees on the terraces are like Donald Trump's sad attempt at hair?
Lani Kai: "ooh, that's where they film The Apprentice"
Lani Kai: or that it's the 49th tallest building in New York
ibleedgraphite: wow
ibleedgraphite: those are clearly extremely important and fascinating insights
Lani Kai: I know right?
ibleedgraphite: I can't imagine how awesome it felt to stand down there
ibleedgraphite: looking up at the building where they film The Apprentice
Lani Kai: it's times like these that i know I've failed
Lani Kai: you don't like the picture at all, do you?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

DLXXXII: Syllogism


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: is that better?
Lani Kai: yes
ibleedgraphite: because it's bigger
ibleedgraphite: bigger = better
Lani Kai: so what you're saying is
Lani Kai: my pictures are better than yours

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

DLXXXI: Unwanted


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: wouldn't want to sleep on that
ibleedgraphite: the owners didn't either
ibleedgraphite: that's why they dragged it outside

Sunday, October 25, 2009

DLXXX: Timely Warning

ibleedgraphite: the tagline is about mortgages and having trouble paying off debts
ibleedgraphite: how timely
Lani Kai: do you suppose the building was abandoned because they couldn't pay the mortgage?
Lani Kai: maybe they set fire to it to try to claim insurance
ibleedgraphite: Barbara Cartland was trying to warn them
ibleedgraphite: and they repay her by burning her book

DLXXIX: Free For All

ibleedgraphite: Motel Henning
ibleedgraphite: what is a Henning?
ibleedgraphite: oh, it also says FREE
ibleedgraphite: free Hennings!
ibleedgraphite: woot
Lani Kai: so is that the name of the place?
ibleedgraphite: apparently

Saturday, October 24, 2009

DLXXVIII: Faded


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: that looks like a faded slide that was scanned
Lani Kai: 40-year-old Kodachrome
ibleedgraphite: I will consider that a compliment

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

DLXXVII: Your Turn


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: don't be one of those people that posts pictures without rotating them
ibleedgraphite: turn your head
Lani Kai: I did, and it looked better

Monday, October 12, 2009

DLXXVI: Things We Would Rather Read

© Colorburn
Lani Kai:
Dear Amazon.com Customer,

As someone who has purchased or rated books by Chinua Achebe, you might like to know that The Education of a British-Protected Child: Essays will be released on October 6, 2009. You can pre-order yours at a savings of $8.48 by following the link below.
The Education of a British-Protected Child: Essays
Chinua Achebe
List Price: $24.95
Price: $16.47
You Save: $8.48 (34%)

Release Date: October 6, 2009
ibleedgraphite: that has to be the least exciting title ever
Lani Kai: seriously
Lani Kai: I can't even tell you how much that makes me not want to read it
ibleedgraphite: I would rather read the warranty for my TV

DLXXV: Not Real


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: what kind of feelings do you get?
Lani Kai: I'm slightly annoyed by composites, actually
Lani Kai: and that's all you've been posting lately
Lani Kai: go out and take some real photos
ibleedgraphite: you must also be against interracial marriage
ibleedgraphite: racist

Thursday, October 08, 2009

DLXXIV: Waiting


© Colorburn
Lani Kai: stop stealing my images
ibleedgraphite: did you ask the grass to sign a contract for the exclusive right to photograph them?
ibleedgraphite: by combining two crappy photos, I create tension and context
Lani Kai: the Russians already did that in the 1920s
ibleedgraphite: well, there are no black people in Russia, so mine is still special

Saturday, October 03, 2009

DLXXIII: Counterfeit

© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: wow, it comes with a caption
Lani Kai: just in case you didn't know what this was
ibleedgraphite: or, it's fake and they're trying to lend it an extra air of legitimacy
Lani Kai: oh, like someone stole the real one and left a fake one so no one notices right away?
ibleedgraphite: like the fake Louis Vuitton handbags that come with a bunch of extra documentation that the real ones actually don't have
Lani Kai: why do you know so much about handbags?

DLXXII: No Photography Allowed

ibleedgraphite: what is that
ibleedgraphite: a giant ad for Citigroup?
Lani Kai: no, it's the name of the plaza that I wasn't supposed to photograph
ibleedgraphite: how many debit card overdraft fees do you think it cost to make that sign?
Lani Kai: not too many
Lani Kai: 6 or 7
ibleedgraphite: that would only be like $250
Lani Kai: it's just a slab of glass with laser etching on it

Friday, October 02, 2009

DLXXI: Audience

Lani Kai: I did some statistics research on Colorburn
Lani Kai: of the last 100 search engine hits
Lani Kai: 41 are related to "colorburn" or some derivative, including one hit for "photo blog" or something
Lani Kai: of the remaining 59 hits
Lani Kai: 48 are searches for some sort of pornography or nudity
Lani Kai: and 11 are everything else
ibleedgraphite: we should start a porn blog

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

DLXX: A Tribute to an Artist

Lani Kai: this photo is a tribute
Lani Kai: because that seems to be the cool thing to do these days
ibleedgraphite: who's the silly person who put the Priority Mail sticker there?
ibleedgraphite: the postage to mail the stoplight would be like $1,234,355
Lani Kai: try a flat rate box
Lani Kai: anyway, this is fitting
Lani Kai: Jackson worked on an analog medium
...
R.I.P. Jackson Pollock
January 28, 1912 – August 11, 1956

Sunday, September 27, 2009

DLXIX: No It Doesn't


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: why is that one stem bent over?
Lani Kai: hm, I never noticed
Lani Kai: now it's going to bother me
Lani Kai: thanks a lot
ibleedgraphite: it looks like it's performing oral sex on the other stem
Lani Kai: no it doesn't
ibleedgraphite: fine
ibleedgraphite: I was just trying to bother you more

DLXVIII: Power Lines -Reprise-


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: wow, it's very vertical
ibleedgraphite: the pole is perfectly parallel with the edges of the frame
Lani Kai: that's the proper way to do it
Lani Kai: have all yours been horizontal?
ibleedgraphite: yes, yes, yes, and no

DLXVII: Complexity


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: have you ever bled on your Monopoly set?
Lani Kai: no
...
ibleedgraphite: the proper way to play is to cut off a finger whenever your opponent lands on free parking
ibleedgraphite: anyway, Mr. Moneybags represents the military-industrial complex; notice his hands are bloody

Monday, September 21, 2009

DLXVI: Not a Chance

Lani Kai: was the chance square a landmine?
ibleedgraphite: they don't have landmines in Iraq, just IEDs
ibleedgraphite: in any case, he's definitely not passing Go
Lani Kai: $200 these days is not worth it anyway

Sunday, September 20, 2009

DLXV: Maternal Instincts


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: this is the second photo in my series examining the Iraq War using Monopoly and plastic soldiers; it represents the prisoner abuse scandal at Abu Ghraib
...
Lani Kai: that is large
ibleedgraphite: that's what your mom said
Lani Kai: the original image was 3504x1752
ibleedgraphite: that's creepy, how did you know that?
Lani Kai: your mom told me

Saturday, September 19, 2009

DLXIV: Faulty Intelligence


© Colorburn
ibleedgraphite: did you hear about [Trypto]?
Lani Kai: no, what happened?
ibleedgraphite: what?? you don't know?! why did you think he wasn't online or answering the phone or anything?
Lani Kai: look, if I knew, I would have said, "yes, I've heard"
ibleedgraphite: his appendix burst, they rushed him to the hospital a couple days ago
ibleedgraphite: it's really bad; there were complications
Lani Kai: what kind of complications?
ibleedgraphite: apparently his pyloric sphincter is a portal to Narnia
ibleedgraphite: JUST KIDDING EVERYONE! I just changed my screen name; I actually stopped using Trypto like two years ago
...
Lani Kai: I think it's facing the wrong direction
ibleedgraphite: exactly, it represents the rushed decision to invade Iraq after 9/11 based on faulty intelligence and with poorly defined goals
ibleedgraphite: the darkness embodies the murky and morally ambivalent nature of the conflict

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

DLXIII: Google, the Bringer of Odd Visitors

© Lani Kai
Lani Kai: I noticed some Google hits from a while back so I added those
Lani Kai: colorburn pattern
Lani Kai: can you get tan under Lanai?
ibleedgraphite: heh
Lani Kai: photoblogs aboy nude boating
Lani Kai: Rodney Lough Jr blogs
Lani Kai: white as milk photoblog

DLXII: Un Chat

© Lani Kai
ibleedgraphite: was this taken from the perspective of a cat deciding whether or not to eat the flowers?
Lani Kai: no, a cat took that picture with my camera
ibleedgraphite: Henri Cattier-Burmese?

DLXI: Misdirection

© ibleedgraphite
Lani Kai: straight-ahead arrow lights really never made much sense to me
ibleedgraphite: what if there was a red arrow that pointed downwards?
Lani Kai: that typically means it's not ok to drive in that lane,
such as a toll booth that is closed
ibleedgraphite: it doesn't mean you're going to hell?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

DLX: Uuuu

© ibleedgraphite
ibleedgraphite: typing (U) makes a broken heart emoticon in Digsby
Lani Kai: how is a broken heart U?
ibleedgraphite: because u broke my heart
Lani Kai: u for unrequited?
ibleedgraphite: u for ugly...

DLIX: Hardware Semantics

© ibleedgraphite
Lani Kai: I think you should make it black and white
ibleedgraphite: okay
...
ibleedgraphite: what's the difference between screw, bolt, and nuts?
Lani Kai: a nut is typically hexagonal, and has threads on the inside. Screws and bolts are similar--they have threads on the outside, but bolts don't necessarily have a screw head
ibleedgraphite: no
Lani Kai: what do you mean, "no"
ibleedgraphite: nuts are what you use to screw, and then bolt is what you do after you finish screwing

DLVIII: It's Not Necrophilia If The Prophecy Made You Do It

© ibleedgraphite
ibleedgraphite: DONT READ THIS. YOU WILL GET KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. TOMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER IF YOU DONT POST THIS COMMENT TO AT LEAST 3 VIDEOS YOU WILL DIE WITHIN 2 DAYS.
Lani Kai: if tomorrow is the best day of my life, I might as well shoot myself after tomorrow
ibleedgraphite: if you shoot yourself tomorrow, you won't be kissed by the love of your life on Friday
Lani Kai: people kiss dead people at the viewing

Friday, September 11, 2009

DLVII: Existentialism

© Lani Kai
Lani Kai: if you take out your lines on Colorburn
Lani Kai: it is largely incoherent
Lani Kai: but if you take out all of mine it is eerily similar to Garfield Minus Garfield
ibleedgraphite: the existential rambling of a psychotic photographer?