DCLXVII: Nondescript

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: how is the water so calm
Lani Kai: there are no outlets
Lani Kai: so it doesn't move anywhere
ibleedgraphite: you should really rename your files to be more descriptive
ibleedgraphite: it helps with the SEO

DCLXVI: Brainy

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: damn, I don't know if I can handle you posting so many photos
ibleedgraphite: is your brain going to explode?
Lani Kai: and leave an orange stain on a wood board
ibleedgraphite: which I will proudly display in my window
Lani Kai: I'm sure there is a modern art museum out there that would
ibleedgraphite: because your brain is so minimalist. LOL

DCLXV: Chief Concerns

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: so I have three pictures I liked from the Salton Sea
Lani Kai: cool
ibleedgraphite: one of them will undoubtedly be co-opted by you
ibleedgraphite: the second is okay, but not particularly unique
ibleedgraphite: so that leaves one
Lani Kai: or you could just post all three to balance things out a bit more
ibleedgraphite: that is not particularly concerning to me

DCLXIV: Grudging Approval

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: this one is somewhat uncharacteristic of you
ibleedgraphite: how is it uncharacteristic?
Lani Kai: the contrast is not as high as usual
ibleedgraphite: I switched to my brother's monitor as the primary, remember?
ibleedgraphite: on my end, it is as contrasty as they always were
Lani Kai: I guess it's good

DCLXIII: WANGLE

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: WANGLE is not a word
ibleedgraphite: cheater
Lani Kai: I didn't think so either

DCLXII: Laser Battle

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: wow nice, it looks like lasers
ibleedgraphite: pew pew pew
ibleedgraphite: this one seems noticeably jpeggy though
Lani Kai: yeah... the auto-sharpen was probably a bad idea
Lani Kai: I will redo
ibleedgraphite: there is like a faint tartan pattern
ibleedgraphite: lends a Scottish air to the scene

DCLXI: A Discourse On Art, Part II: Bollocks

 © Colorburn

Lani Kai: I would rather look at a Thomas Kinkade work than a large canvas that is black, and a slightly darker shade of black
ibleedgraphite: are you serious?
ibleedgraphite: I hope you are not serious
Lani Kai: I am serious
ibleedgraphite: you cannot be serious
ibleedgraphite: I cannot let you say such a thing
Lani Kai: how can you possibly claim that a duotone canvas is any more or less artistic, or interesting, than a Kinkade?
ibleedgraphite: color field paintings fit into a cultural and rhetorical context
ibleedgraphite: it is like a pure bred dog, where you can trace the visual style all the way back to the beginning of abstraction
ibleedgraphite: with pseudo-impressionism in the 1850s
ibleedgraphite: Thomas Kinkade paintings come out of nowhere; they have no context except the immediate commercial one
Lani Kai: and what is wrong with that?
Lani Kai: art doesn't necessarily need historical context
ibleedgraphite: it doesn't, but it makes it more interesting
ibleedgraphite: every painting has a story, they used to actually put the story on the canvas
ibleedgraphite: but with modern art the story is in the reams of academic literature written about the painting
Lani Kai: so why don't you like automotive design, as an art form?
ibleedgraphite: because I dont know anything about it
ibleedgraphite: so I just go on superficial impressions
Lani Kai: see, and there's nothing inherently wrong about that

DCLX: Inconsiderate

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: what happened to the clouds?
Lani Kai: they moved
Lani Kai: it's a 10-second exposure
ibleedgraphite: how inconsiderate of them
Lani Kai: they're like the little children that won't sit still for the family picture
ibleedgraphite: and look, that one is putting bunny ears on the mountain

DCLIX: Election Day

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: this is only our 53rd post this year
Lani Kai: in September of 2006, we made 54 posts
ibleedgraphite: and the Democrats won big in 2006
ibleedgraphite: maybe if we posted more, they would win again
Lani Kai: well, clearly it's your fault then
Lani Kai: you've only posted 13, to my 40
Lani Kai: you posted 25 to my 29 in September of 2006
ibleedgraphite: I'll write a letter apologizing to Nancy Pelosi

DCLVIII: Stolen

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: I've seen that somewhere

Lani Kai: Facebook, probably
ibleedgraphite: ooor you stole it from Google
Lani Kai: ooor Google stole it from me
ibleedgraphite: very funny

DCLVII: Paid Blogging

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: I just found some draft posts where I uploaded pictures but you were offline
ibleedgraphite: ooh this is the first time we've done this while I am at work
ibleedgraphite: it's like I am being paid to blog

DCLVI: Tainted

© Colorburn
View Original

ibleedgraphite: your picture
ibleedgraphite: is like 500000 other pictures
ibleedgraphite: which are used to accompany the various evil incarnations of this poem
Lani Kai: sigh
Lani Kai: why did you have to mention this
Lani Kai: that is such a stupid poem
ibleedgraphite: does it poison your photo forever?
Lani Kai: I'm going to Photoshop the footprints out
ibleedgraphite: lol
ibleedgraphite: that would be a fun variation on the poem
ibleedgraphite: JESUS, there are usually two set of footprints, but sometimes at the worst times in my life, there is only one!!!
ibleedgraphite: it was during those times that I carried you
ibleedgraphite: but, also... sometmes theres no footprints at all! WTF is up with that?
ibleedgraphite: it was during those times that I got a helicopter
Lani Kai: okay, can we start over?

DCLV: Bitter Mood

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: right as I was about to sign off and go to sleep

ibleedgraphite: asshole
Lani Kai: why so early?
ibleedgraphite: 11:15
Lani Kai: is way early
ibleedgraphite: if I want to be a champion
ibleedgraphite: like your stupid whatever the heck that thing is
ibleedgraphite: I need to sleep

DCLIV: Frolic

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: you can frolic in the patch of snow and pretend it's Christmas

Lani Kai: except I've never actually frolicked in snow on Christmas

Lani Kai: because it doesn't snow here
ibleedgraphite: that's more realistic anyway
ibleedgraphite: Jesus didn't have snow

DCLIII: Blargh

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: that looks like vomit

Lani Kai: thank you
ibleedgraphite: but like, God's vomit

DCLII: Office Space

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: I washed my hair in the office bathroom today

Lani Kai: shampoo and everything?
ibleedgraphite: yes 
ibleedgraphite: I think I will do it more 
ibleedgraphite: then I don't have to take a shower at home

DCLI: Cheap

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: I need to get in on this long exposure racket
ibleedgraphite: it's so cheap
Lani Kai: actually it's not cheap
Lani Kai: the 9-stop neutral density filter cost $110

DCL: Renumerate

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: shouldn't it be DCIL?
Lani Kai: "IL" should never ever appear
Lani Kai: "I" can only be in front of "V" and "X", "L" is preceded by "X"
ibleedgraphite: XLIX seems inefficient compared to IL
Lani Kai: tell that to the Romans
Lani Kai: all of this is inefficient and pretentious compared to Arabic numerals anyway
ibleedgraphite: 0 was invented by the Arabs in order to describe your mom on a scale of 1 to 9

DCXLIX: Craigslist

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: I just tried to post a "for sale" ad for car parts on Craigslist and it said I needed to create an account

Lani Kai: it took me to the page to create an account, but I fear that in the process, it lost the post that I had created

ibleedgraphite: creating an account just means entering a email address and password

ibleedgraphite: it doesn't lose the post
Lani Kai: no, in the past it was like that
Lani Kai: but this one was more elaborate
Lani Kai: phone number verification and everything
ibleedgraphite: hm
ibleedgraphite: it's much easier to post a sex ad

DCXLVIII: DNA

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: no likey the colors
ibleedgraphite: the stairs look greasy or something
ibleedgraphite: like someone rubbed grease on them
ibleedgraphite: composition is hokay
ibleedgraphite: what you need is another set of stairs going the other way to make a double helix
ibleedgraphite: it would be like the DNA for a giant robot
Lani Kai: you could have designed that if you carried through with your architecture degree

DCXLVII: Snake

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: my phone pauses Snake so you can answer the phone
Lani Kai: games that don't pause when the phone rings are the worst
ibleedgraphite: no
ibleedgraphite: people who call while you are gaming are the worst

DCXLVI: AA-A

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: incidentally, the AA in England is the equivalent of AAA here
ibleedgraphite: are they doubly anonymous, or twice as alcoholic?
ibleedgraphite: oh wait, that would be if AAA was AA
Lani Kai: they come and tow your car
ibleedgraphite: I see, they have smaller cars so they only need two As

DCXLV: Mine

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite:WTF
ibleedgraphite: one of the photoblogs we link to in our blogroll
ibleedgraphite: lists Colorburn in his blogroll as "Lani Kai's ColorBurn"
Lani Kai: ha

DCXLIV: Burninate

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: I don't know, you tell me what a good place to host photos is
ibleedgraphite: I guess I would just make a website that showed them all in a giant grid
Lani Kai: like so?
ibleedgraphite: kind of, but with good pictures
ibleedgraphite: BURN!

DCXLIII: Exploring

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: I have returned from the land of Lewis and Clark
ibleedgraphite: what land is that?
Lani Kai: the Pacific Northwest
ibleedgraphite: the academic decathlon topic for the year I was in it was Lewis and Clark
ibleedgraphite: I know far too much about it
ibleedgraphite: they had a dog with them named Seaman
ibleedgraphite: actually that's pretty much the only thing I remember
Lani Kai: hahaha
ibleedgraphite: but at some point I had 88 pages of  Lewis and Clark trivia memorized
ibleedgraphite: so what did you discover?
ibleedgraphite: did you give trinkets to the native peoples?
Lani Kai: blankets with smallpox?
ibleedgraphite: Lewis and Clark did not do that

DCXLII: Fortississimo

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: what song is this?
ibleedgraphite: how the fuck would I know?
ibleedgraphite: is it called p subito, written by ffffmf
Lani Kai: no
Lani Kai: it is called Gaspard de la Nuit by Maurice Ravel
Lani Kai: I am now going to listen to it
ibleedgraphite: sneaky
ibleedgraphite: you would think nuit is a masculine noun
Lani Kai: the part in question with the fff is at 8:23

DCXLI: Not That Many

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: what are those little white dots?
Lani Kai: stars
ibleedgraphite: liar, there's not that many stars
Lani Kai: what else could they be?
ibleedgraphite: dust specks
Lani Kai: oh come on, you saw them in Northern California
Lani Kai: there were many more than can be seen in this picture
ibleedgraphite: ok fine

DCXL: Undercover

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: this one is too good
ibleedgraphite: you'll blow our cover
ibleedgraphite: people are supposed to think we actually took the photos we post
ibleedgraphite: you don't want to end up like Anna Chapman
ibleedgraphite: her cover got blown, and look what happened
Lani Kai: I have a series of good photos from time to time
Lani Kai: I don't think they will notice
Lani Kai: it is within the bounds of statistical error
ibleedgraphite: not this good
ibleedgraphite: this is like 10 standard deviations away from the average

DCXXXIX: Ninjombie

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: I cannot find my camera charger
Lani Kai: I put it on the floor in my room when i got back from my trip; it has since disappeared
ibleedgraphite: zombies took it
ibleedgraphite: or you moved it and forgot
Lani Kai: I'm leaning toward the former
Lani Kai: however a zombie problem is previously unheard of
ibleedgraphite: they are very small
Lani Kai: are you sure those are zombies?
ibleedgraphite: I could be mistaken
ibleedgraphite: perhaps very small ninjas
Lani Kai: they could be regular size ninjas; you still wouldn't notice
ibleedgraphite: regular ninjas kill you in your sleep
ibleedgraphite: mini ninjas steal your camera charger

DCXXXVIII: Misunderstood

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: you need to learn how to rotate your photos properly
Lani Kai: and how to make them not green
ibleedgraphite: it's more intuitive to visually scan a horizontal composition than a vertical one
Lani Kai: okay, and it's somehow intuitive to make some shoes hang sideways
Lani Kai: I completely understand now

DCXXXVII: Woosh

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: those clouds are really zooming by

Lani Kai: yep
ibleedgraphite: they're like
ibleedgraphite: foooosh
Lani Kai: woosh
ibleedgraphite: no, that's the sound the water is making
ibleedgraphite: as it zooms by
Lani Kai: oh okay
ibleedgraphite: but the trees are just like, meh
Lani Kai: well, if you look at full resolution
Lani Kai: they are whispering

DCXXXVI: Epic Tree Man

© Colorburn

bleedgraphite: if I were a tree, I'd choose a better place to grow
ibleedgraphite: also, the tree version of me wouldn't want to be friends with this tree
Lani Kai: why is that?
ibleedgraphite: tree Jerry would get nervous when this tree got on the bus or train
ibleedgraphite: it looks crazy

DCXXXV: Up What

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: "what are you up to?"
Lani Kai: how can I say that without ending with a preposition?
Lani Kai: to what up are you?
Lani Kai: up to what, you are?

ibleedgraphite: are you up to something; if so, what is it?
ibleedgraphite: to what are you up?
Lani Kai: that ends in a preposition

DCXXXIV: Advertising

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: apparently the California legislature is considering advertising on license plates 
ibleedgraphite: it would be cheaper to just put a crapload of ads at the DMV
ibleedgraphite: there is a captive audience 
Lani Kai: that's a good idea 
ibleedgraphite: and they should set up a concession stand 
ibleedgraphite: people get hungry waiting for their driving tests 
Lani Kai: and a Wi-Fi hotspot 
ibleedgraphite: yeah, Starbucks better watch out
ibleedgraphite: DMV is the new place to hang out 
ibleedgraphite: Department of Mocha Venti

DCXXXIII: Controversial

© Colorburn

Original Image 1 2

ibleedgraphite: is this the controversial one?
Lani Kai: yes
ibleedgraphite: I don't know why
Lani Kai: well, I don't actually think anyone took exception to it
ibleedgraphite: right, but it looks completely innocuous to me

DCXXXII: Atypical

© Colorburn

View Uncropped

Lani Kai: the low contrast and saturation is somewhat atypical
Lani Kai: you need to go take pictures instead of using old film scans though
Lani Kai: when was the last time you used your XS?
ibleedgraphite: when I took naked pictures of myself in the mirror this morning
ibleedgraphite: ...just kidding

DCXXXI: Impostor

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: nice try
ibleedgraphite: who are you, what did you do to Lani Kai
Lani Kai: you must like this picture
Lani Kai: that happens like twice a year
Lani Kai: although last year I had like five in a row that you liked
ibleedgraphite: stop talking like you're actually Lani Kai
ibleedgraphite: I'm calling the police
Lani Kai: this is peculiar, because no one liked any of the photos in the Colorado set
Lani Kai: zero comments on Facebook
Lani Kai: not even a single "like"

DCXXX: Upgrade

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: I thought you went to Colorado
Lani Kai: I did
ibleedgraphite: why do you have pictures from Saudi Arabia
Lani Kai: as well as New Mexico
ibleedgraphite: is that better than old Mexico?
Lani Kai: only slightly
ibleedgraphite: firmware upgrade?
Lani Kai: something like that

DCXXIX: More Blues

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite:you get to choose: blue or orange 
Lani Kai: blue

...

Lani Kai: there also appears to be a hair or something on the top left corner
ibleedgraphite: it's called a punctum
ibleedgraphite: if you had picked orange, you would have gotten some Joshua Tree clouds
Lani Kai: that can come tomorrow or something then
ibleedgraphite: nope, you already chose; you can never go down that path
ibleedgraphite: that's like if Neo took both pills at the same time
Lani Kai: well he should have
Lani Kai: or at least, he should have taken one, then asked for the other at a later time
ibleedgraphite: that wasn't covered by his HMOrpheus

DCXXVIII: Blue Sand

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: it looks like
ibleedgraphite: blue sand
ibleedgraphite: with little lines raked into it like a Japanese rock garden
ibleedgraphite: except that it's a huge rock garden
Lani Kai: something like that

DCXXVII: I'm Not On A Boat

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: were you on a boat?
Lani Kai: no
Lani Kai: we can still listen to the song though

DCXXVI: MDCCCXCV

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: do you know what else happened in 1895?
Lani Kai: yes
Lani Kai: the Sino-Japanese War
ibleedgraphite: April 16 – The town of Sturgeon Falls, Ontario, is incorporated.

DCXXV: Chroni-what?

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: in Narnia, there is a random lamppost in the middle of the forest
ibleedgraphite: "Resembling a London streetlamp it stood in the middle of the forest and shone day and night."
Lani Kai: is it of any significance in the story?
ibleedgraphite: well, it's a major landmark; the whole area is called the Lantern Waste after it
ibleedgraphite: when Lucy first enters Narnia through the wardrobe, it's where she meets Mr. Tumnus the faun

DCXXIV: Implication

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: drunkard
ibleedgraphite: alcohol is sinful
ibleedgraphite: repent
Lani Kai: it's okay because I don't drive after I've had a drink
ibleedgraphite: I don't like what you're implying

DCXXIII: Problems

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: so what did you do yesterday?
Lani Kai: went back out to Carrizo Plain
Lani Kai: took pictures and did some off-roading
ibleedgraphite: what the heck
ibleedgraphite: did you leave and come back in the same day?
Lani Kai: yes
Lani Kai: as I did last time
ibleedgraphite: sigh
ibleedgraphite: I think you have a problem

DCXXII: Outdated

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: you made me lose the game I was playing
Lani Kai: what game was it?
ibleedgraphite: Starcraft II
Lani Kai: oh
Lani Kai: whatever then
ibleedgraphite: would you have been sympathetic if it was something else?
Lani Kai: maybe
Lani Kai: is it just me, or was it like eleventy-five years between Starcraft and Starcraft II?
ibleedgraphite: only 14 actually
Lani Kai: that would be like coming out with Pong II

DCXXI: Overruled

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: did you know that if you let z = the radius of a circle
Lani Kai: pi*z*z=a?
ibleedgraphite: a = pi*eceofshit
ibleedgraphite: where eceofshit = radius squared
Lani Kai: variables are not supposed to be 9 letters long
ibleedgraphite: stop making up rules

DCXX: Upgrades

© Colorburn

Lani Kai: what do you think of Creative Suite 5?
ibleedgraphite: umm
ibleedgraphite: hmm
ibleedgraphite: 5 is a higher number than 4
ibleedgraphite: and that's all I know
Lani Kai: ok
Lani Kai: I'm going to skip Windows 7 and upgrade to Windows 2000

DCXIX: It's Been A While

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: hmm, that is rather nice
Lani Kai: that's not something you say often about landscape photos
ibleedgraphite: how did you get the sky to change color between the left and right
Lani Kai: that's kind of what happens when the sun is setting
ibleedgraphite: yeah, right
Lani Kai: I'm not sure if you're saying that in agreement or in scorn

DCXVIII: Qu'est-ce que c'est?

© Colorburn

ibleedgraphite: c'est un fleur
Lani Kai: ceci n'est pas un fleur
ibleedgraphite: well, you don't know what "ce" is referring to
Lani Kai: neither do you
ibleedgraphite: touché